4:00 in the morning

I do this all the time under normal circumstances, fall asleep at a perfectly acceptable hour and then wake up with my brain activity running rampant over the minutia of my day.  Nothing, nothing happened today.  There was sad news of a couple of friends who have definitely been added to my prayer/ wish/ positive vibe list.  And I did get to speak to a dear friend finally, just the sound of her voice is soothing to me. She's a peach y'all and knows it.  So here I sit and think about a whole lot of what I say is nothing.  Nothing that I can do about it anyway.  I spoke to the kids tonight and I am so proud of them (now we get to the root of insomnia).  The last time that report cards came out, Els had earned a c in math and Connor had two D's.  In els defense it was the first time she had earned less than a b.  Connor? No excuse for two Ds was allowed.  He owned it though, midterms came out yesterday and Els has straight A's again and the boy child also brought all up too.  I do wonder the effect that my illness played on the previous report as that was when I felt the worst.  The regrets I have are all related to my kids and the positive and negative influence I have on them.   Period.  I honestly thought that I would be a horrible parent and sometimes I feel like one.  I even have a sister that completely agreed with that assessment of my potential.  I've always bordered on selfish and quite frankly did not know if I could cure that in myself (haven't  completely and probably never will) but I have two of the brightest, polite, funny and gifted children that I know of. ( of course I do)!!!!!  They amaze and amuse me every day and I selfishly lap it up.  Maybe that's the answer to selfishness.  Take the gifts you get and shut up and enjoy them.